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My love hides behind many thorns
She hides behind green eyes every pain of her 22 years. Every unexplained rejection that she mentions in passing only makes my not knowing every detail all that more insufferable. Every asshole that belittled her, I wish I could squash like beatles beneath my boot.
If only she would lift the stone between us and open her soul to me like I open mine to her. She is everything I want and everything I need. I will take my whole lifetime to unravel her mysteries if she will let me. I only pray that she will.
I dare not tell her these things now, for the mention of them or along the lines thereof causes her to push me that much farther away. She lives day by day because the future to her is uncertain and should remain unplanned and uncertain. I live for tommorow, next week, next month and next year. I plan, I create dreams, and in every one of them I see her at my side. It is only in my nightmares that she is not there.
I would be lying if I said that I am not atleast a little afraid of losing her. I am however not afraid enough that I would give up. I do get disheartened, sad, and I feel lonely sometimes, but when you are in love with someone so much, you just don't care about pain, all you care about is loving and showing your love. Atleast that is what it is to me.
I am telling all right now, because it has been a long time since I have opened up about anything to anyone other than to her, and I can't tell her these things. It would only hurt her, even though I know she would lie to me straight faced that she is fine. (She is so strong)
So, I tell myself in my own journal, and ofcourse I tell the person(s) who run the site, because they read all these, but I don't care about that. It's no different than telling a psychologist everything, and I've done that before too.


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